August 27, 2021
The Four Promises of Forgiveness
Through forgiveness God tears down the walls that our sins have built, and he opens the way for a renewed relationship with him. This is exactly what we can do when we forgive as the Lord forgives us: We release the person who has wronged us from the penalty of being separated from us. We do not hold wrongs against others, do not think about the wrongs, and do not punish others for them. Therefore, biblical forgiveness may be described as a decision to make four promises:
“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you” (Luke 6:27-28). Speak well about and to the person who hurt you. Begin to think of things that would help him—and then do them. That is evidence of real forgiveness. When you do these things, you will usually have better feelings about the person.
How easy it would be to store away the memory of what someone has done, along with all their other sins and failings. Then I can use it in a conversation somewhere: perhaps to score points in an argument, or to load their conscience or reputation up with guilt to crush them, or to make myself somehow look ‘better’ than them. This is the opposite of forgiveness. When God forgives you, he promises never to bring up your sin to use against you. In other words, you won’t hear about those sinful attitudes and actions from God again. Love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Cor. 13:5).
Note: This doesn’t mean we can never raise something someone has done wrong again. For example, an ongoing pattern of wrong behavior may need to be addressed – but the key is not to store things away and raise it for the purpose of using it against that person.
If you are like most people, you will be tempted to tell others what someone has done to hurt you. You may want people to feel sorry for you and side with you instead of with the person who mistreated you. This, too, is the opposite of forgiveness. Gossip usually causes more problems between you and others. God teaches us, “Without gossip a quarrel dies down” (Prov. 26:20).
If you are having a hard time dealing with a problem, it is appropriate to ask someone you trust to help you. In that case, you will need to explain the facts and express your feelings about the conflict. This should not be done to gossip, but to get help to solve the problem and save your friendship.
However, for this promise to actually be true in the reality of our relationships, each person needs to have first repented of and owned their part in the breakdown of the relationship and accept the consequences of their actions (including me)! This means a conversation needs to have taken place – a conversation that we hope will lead to both of us making the necessary apology and commitment to change – and mutual forgiveness extended. And when this happens, the miracle of forgiveness becomes the even greater miracle of a reconciled relationship.
Remember that forgiveness is a choice to make these promises—no matter how you feel. Whenever you forgive those who have hurt you, you show God how much you appreciate his gift of forgiveness to you.
By making and keeping these promises, you can tear down the walls that stand between you and those who have done something wrong to you.” You promise not to dwell on or brood over the problem or to punish by holding the person at a distance. You clear the way for your relationship to develop unhindered by memories of past wrongs. This is exactly what God does for us, and it is what he calls us to do for others.
** In cases of abuse, forgiveness can and should include the establishment of safe boundaries for emotional and physical safety. See The Peacemaker , pp. 156-7, 284.
If there is someone you need to forgive today, why not begin practicing these four promises?